Do you like a child?
If you have more than one child, be ready to hear – if you haven’t – “you like him more than he does” or “does she always go with you?” And “she’s your favorite” or “it’s unfair” like many parents, you might insist that complaining is wrong – your love for your child is balanced and fair.
But no matter how hard the parents try to treat each child, the child will have a different view. The slightest gesture towards one child will lead to another’s favoritism. In the child’s mind, you play favorites. And, in a sense, the children are right.
Siblings can hardly be the same. One is older, younger, bedtime or a movie with a friend that needs to be age-appropriate. Ability, character, and temperament are factors that affect your daily interactions with each child, as well as the factors that influence who gets or gets certain privileges. Children with learning disabilities, disabilities or behavioral problems may need more time. Any of these realities can cause a child to cringe and remind you that you like him or her sister or brother.
The university of Missouri and the university of Illinois researchers found that if they think the extra attention is fair, then meet the needs of one of the kids is more acceptable to the other children. Published in the journal of family psychology studies have shown that about a sense of fairness, if you explain why you want to spend extra time with John on his math task, or why you want to kimberly-clark to buy a new dress (that “he need extra help,” or “she have to go to a special event”), other children are more likely to be the “special treatment” as fair.
However, parents are often reluctant to provide explanations or discuss the topic, which not only harms the relationship between brothers and sisters, but also affects the relationship between children and their parents. “Unfortunately, the data show that discussion of differential treatment doesn’t happen very often,” said Laurie kramer of the university of Illinois at the university of Illinois. Moreover, when families do not talk about the reasons children are sometimes treated, children make assumptions and interpret their parents’ behavior in an incorrect way. ”
The study also showed that when the children see why siblings or other children need extra time with their children together to meet the needs of the child, other children are unlikely to have negative feelings to your parents.
Family life at brigham young university’s school of another recent survey report in the journal of youth to see, brothers and sisters how discrimination affects the quality of family relationships, especially the parent-child relationship’s influence on the parent-child relationship. The results were similar to those published in the journal of family psychology.
In the study, researchers talked to more than 300 families, each with two teenagers. When your children have a crush or arguing about who is your favorite, it is a good news: the relation between you and the children of parents with their children has a lot to do with birth order: if teenagers feel he or she is like most children parents also confirmed this), and the parents’ relationship is strengthened. When younger siblings don’t like it, the relationship between parents and children diminishes. Surprisingly, the relationship between older teenage parents was not affected by teens’ perception of their younger siblings as their favorite children.
The most important thing for the authors of both studies is to treat your children as fairly as possible. You can’t treat them as equals because they are different people. If the parents can meet the needs of all children, and a supportive, consistent, loving, so children view of bias is less important, especially in keeping the relationship with each child’s parents.
Even so, some of the children’s private feelings linger in adulthood. The following Suggestions will help parents to treat each child fairly and reduce the child’s incorrect interpretation of favor… Or reality.
Spend time alone with each of your children. 10 to 15 minutes before bed, a “private” chat before dinner or a walk after dinner.
During disagreements, avoid having one child on one side over the other.
Instead of comparing your children to a better example, you can say: why don’t you just do the housework, clean the room, or fill in the blanks like your sister?
Focus on each child’s strengths – his hobbies, sense of humor or responsibility – make every child feel special and unique.
Don’t compete with your partner for your child’s love and affection. This will only lead to the concentration of time and attention on one child. Parenting is not a competition.